Brent began to work with me after his spouse, Carla, unexpectedly decided to leave the marital relationship. And then she was gone.

Brent was ravaged. He liked Carla and wanted her back. He quickly learned that she had actually not been truthful with him, even from the beginning of their relationship. He found out that she had been more interested in his money than in him. She was ruthlessly going after his cash.

After a couple of months, Brent was doing better. He had actually let go of Carla and had actually begun to date. Then Carla sent him an e-mail where her tone was softer then it had actually been, and this sent Brent back into anxiety.

” I have been getting up distressed every early morning,” Brent told me in one of our phone sessions. “And feeling stress and anxiety a lot throughout the day.”

” Brent, what are you informing yourself about Carla?”

” I keep wishing that things were back the way they were. I enjoy her and I want her back. Her email made me think that things could be back the method they were.”

” Brent, Carla left you when you were truly sick. She lacked any empathy for you. You told me that you had seen her absence of compassion toward other individuals too. Then she told you that she never enjoyed you. Now she is going after your cash, even though she earns her own. You are not in reality about who Carla is. You are making her up, and this is what is triggering your stress and anxiety. Your inner child – your sensation self – is letting you know with this stress and anxiety that you are off track in your thinking, that your thinking is not based in reality. And your inner child is anxious that you are going to abandon him by pursuing someone who is not a caring person, while pretending that she is.”

” However I believed she was a caring person. She is a loving person deep down. If she went into counseling with me, we could work this out.”

You are not accepting the reality of who she is selecting to be. You will constantly feel anxious when you do not accept the reality of things. You are making all of this up, and this is triggering your stress and anxiety.”

” I understand that you are right, but this is so hard. It is so hard to let go.”

Trying to control something over which you have no control will constantly develop anxiety. You are not being in reality about what you have control over and what you don’t have control over.”

” Yes, I see that. I want control over getting Carla to be the method I believed she was. I don’t even like who she is right now, however I don’t want to accept that this is who she is selecting to be. I can see that I require to accept this reality and not keep believing that I can get her to come back and to be the way I thought she was. Ah, I am beginning to feel much better! The anxiety is disappearing.”

Anxiety results from declining how things are and of trying to manage things that you can not manage.

Your inner kid – your sensation self – is letting you understand with this anxiety that you are off track in your thinking, that your thinking is not based in truth. And your inner child is anxious that you are going to abandon him by going after somebody who is not a loving person, while pretending that she is.”

Attempting to control something over which you have no control will always produce stress and anxiety. You are not being in reality about what you have control over and what you don’t have control over.”

The anxiety is going away.”